Maybe Is A Loser’s Word
I’ve never played chess, but that hasn't stopped me from watching The Queen's Gambit twice. When Benny gets salty with Beth for not coming to New York City, he says something profound.
This phrase stuck with me. So much so that I quickly opened up Slack, sent myself a note— "maybe is a loser's word, Molly," and wrote this blog post about it.
Maybe we say maybe for the wrong reasons
What does maybe even mean? We reach for it when we don’t want to commit to a certain point of view (maybe we should stop having Zoom happy hours!) or when want a cop-out that saves us from saying no (I might be able to make it to the Zoom happy hour!).
In the context of relationships, “maybe” can be a bad look. We all have that one friend who always says “maybe!” when you try to make plans and then bails after ignoring your texts for three days. Things come up, but do this too many times and it’s pretty clear that you never wanted to go out in the first place. It’s a pattern that can seriously damage how we perceive others.
So why would the impact be any different at work? The circumstances might not look the same—we might be afraid to say no to a request from our boss, or back off a statement with a maybe because we’re worried we’ll say the wrong thing. In both the personal and professional scenarios, though, the fact of the matter is the same. We’re refusing to stand up for ourselves, our convictions, and our needs.
Maybe it’s about confidence
I made a quick, seven-second self-assessment and found that I say maybe most often as a refusal to commit to one point of view—very Libra of me. But, beyond the Zodiac source of truth, my refusal to commit to one point of view, especially at work, also speaks to an honest vulnerability. Confidence.
After making a deliberate effort to stop using exclamation points at work (because exclamation points say "please like me"—and, FYI, it isn’t just women who lean on them), I felt I needed to draw a line in the sand. I must stop staying maybe!
My hunch was that, like exclamation points, “maybe” doesn't make me sound confident—and worse, that it keeps me from getting my point of view across. To prove my hypothesis, I did some in-depth research (looked up how I've used the word “maybe” in Slack over the last 90 days).
Here's what I found:
"We can troubleshoot" would have been sufficient.
An on-brand follow up to a statement in which I tried to take a stance. So close, yet so far.
A great example of undermining myself.
...when I thought it couldn't get worse.
Suggested edit: please try again.
Why does it matter?
Can you imagine if Neil Armstrong had said “maybe we can make this moonwalk work”? Using maybe too much opens the door to self-doubt and the doubts of others. It’s the opposite of the conviction that we need to move forward.
At Cultivate, I work on behalf of Cultivators—changemakers who seek to challenge the status quo at work. Cultivators at their best don't sound like this.
Cultivators are bold in their pursuits, whatever they may be. They'll make their case defiantly; they'll pick a side, they'll choose an angle–all the while knowing it might not be the popular one, or the best one, or even the right one. They know they'll never convince anyone else to dive with them into the unknown if they don't show up fiercely committed. Cultivators sound confident.
Cultivators are confident.
If I'm a Cultivator, then on my best day maybe I'm confident too.
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